Also, with regard to basic pleasantries, I’m wondering whether it relates to views of abundance and scarcity. I might be going too deep, but I’m thinking of my grandparents, who owned a grocery store in rural Iowa during my childhood and what I learned from them when I worked there each summer.
I’ve often thought that everyone should spend one year working in the service industry.
I love all of this, but wanted to comment on the pleasantries. Just yesterday I was walking out of a Safeway and an older man coming into the store stopped dead in his tracks and asked me if the person stacking carts was my employee. While I was staring at him and trying to understand what was happening, he started yelling at the young man returning carts saying, "is this how you are going to leave these!!! You're blocking the door!!!" The poor kid said, "yeah, that's how we do it." and he kept yelling at him like he was the worst manager ever, but really just there to shop. I see this in small ways every day. More anger, less gratitude. I say thank you a lot and send hand written thank you cards every week for exactly this reason. In my mind, gratitude restores hope.
Austin, I love # 10! Beth and I go walking every day, 2 to 3 miles is the goal. We are always running into folks and make sure to say “hello!” Many of those hello’s turn in very short conversations…we refer to them as, “another micro-friend moment!” We may never see those people again but that small and brief exchange always leaves people walking away smiling! We SO NEED this in our world! Thanks for sharing! 😊
I'm always stunned when basic courtesy and politeness are treated with such anomaly. Maybe it's the Midwesterner in me coming out, but I really don't get why the majority have started treating eachother so rudely. It's not hard to be kind. It costs you nothing and makes everyone's experience (including your own!) so much better.
We're all just here trying to survive the hellscape of modern capitalism. It's better to do it in a bubble of kindness instead of entitlement.
I couldn't agree with you more on practicing basic courtesies to all, especially those in the take-care-of-the-customer industries. They put up with so much crap, that I wonder sometimes how they get up in the morning. Just out of college, I was cocktail waitress for about nine months. Every individual should serve a stint as waiter or waitress. The lessons learned last a lifetime (wear comfortable shoes for starters) and most of the time it makes that individual more courteous throughout their life.
Thank you for your posts! I agree with #10 too. I ride the bus. I always thank my driver. And if there is time I will get their name so I can say Hello to them personally next time. I know they do not get enough thanks. 🕊💙📚🎶
"I felt nothing so strongly as the urge to escape the 'society pant cycle' entirely — to step off the carousel once and for all." Years ago, I decided to wear dresses almost exclusively. Easier to do when it aligns with everyone's gendered expectations of you, so I'm lucky in that way. I still only wear "pants" that are leggings or shorts and while I'd been considering working jeans back into my wardrobe, maybe I won't.
RE: dealing with the public. My first such job was as a NY Bell Telephone operator, back when humans (at the time, all females) answered when you dialed (real dialing) "0" on your phone. Even though they couldn't know who or where I was, sometimes people would scare me with how upset they got when something didn't go their way regarding their call. I got my first-ever obscene phone call while working as an operator.
Watching Bollywood movies is the best preparation for long movies (typical length used to be 3 hours): take intermission seriously and have lots of snacks ready.
The pants article is hilarious: "In some ways, this shift felt entirely predictable, as if a rubber band stretched tight had snapped back to laxity. And yet it was disconcerting too, as if the rubber band had immediately become a balloon."
Yes #10! When Siri/Alexa were becoming popular, I wondered out loud to my husband how these devices would reflect in common courtesy. I mean, you basically get these things to work by demanding/commanding an action. My husband and I were working out in our home gym the other day and he asked Alexa to play a song...something like, "Alexa, please play whateveritwas." The song started playing and he followed with, "Thank you, Alexa." She broke in with a few sentences about how much she appreciated his kindness. We just looked wide-eyed at each other. The implications of Alexa going out of her way to thank us for being polite. Are we doomed?!
I thought your comment “why are pants so big again?” meant why are pants cool again or why are more people wearing pants again? I wondered? What were people wearing if they didn’t wear pants? Went down my own brain rabbit hole—until I clicked on the link and OH literally BIG. I blame it on the seasonal allergies, brutal this year.
And as the Dali Lama said “Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.”
I've always been polite and kind to service workers, because I've done plenty of those jobs myself and know what it's like being treated like a sub-human strictly on the basis of the job I was doing. My brother-in-law is one of those people who treats wait staff like crap, and it's so brutal. We've just recently rented out part of our house to a polite young man who shook our hands and looked us in the eye, and yes, I was surprised and wanted to treat him like the Pope.
Thank you so much for introducing Iris Apfel to me -- or is it vice versa? Anyway, her spirit is like a beaming lighthouse. I also relished catching up with Isabella Rossellini. Becca Levy notes in her book Breaking the Age Code that multi-generational spaces are rare nowadays even though, as you constantly reveal here, we have so much to offer each other. In addition to being hand-rolled and algorithm free, you hold parties for which no one is too young or too old to attend. Bravo!
Couldn’t agree more with #10. Everyone is so angry, so in a rush, so impatient. And I include myself in that, but I’m trying to be better.
Yesterday, I was trying to find some decent new clothes for a funeral — Emotional, frustrated by the lack of stock and sizes, hating what I looked like in the fitting room mirror, etc. My head was pounding, and I wanted the magical McDonalds fountain pop that I splurge on every once in a while (and I may have added some fries, too). The caffeine hit helps. I ordered at the drive through, heard nothing in response, and then the drive-through worker asked me to repeat my order, apologizing and clearly flustered by everything she was dealing with. I told her it was totally fine and not to worry about it, placed my order, she apologized again and I pulled around. She greets me and says “You know what, I changed your order, I’m giving this to you for free” because she felt bad and probably because someone actually treated her with respect and didn’t attack her for getting something wrong. I thanked her, told her again that it was totally fine and that she was doing a great job. It was such a nice exchange, and totally made my day when I desperately needed it.
Also, with regard to basic pleasantries, I’m wondering whether it relates to views of abundance and scarcity. I might be going too deep, but I’m thinking of my grandparents, who owned a grocery store in rural Iowa during my childhood and what I learned from them when I worked there each summer.
I’ve often thought that everyone should spend one year working in the service industry.
I love all of this, but wanted to comment on the pleasantries. Just yesterday I was walking out of a Safeway and an older man coming into the store stopped dead in his tracks and asked me if the person stacking carts was my employee. While I was staring at him and trying to understand what was happening, he started yelling at the young man returning carts saying, "is this how you are going to leave these!!! You're blocking the door!!!" The poor kid said, "yeah, that's how we do it." and he kept yelling at him like he was the worst manager ever, but really just there to shop. I see this in small ways every day. More anger, less gratitude. I say thank you a lot and send hand written thank you cards every week for exactly this reason. In my mind, gratitude restores hope.
Austin, I love # 10! Beth and I go walking every day, 2 to 3 miles is the goal. We are always running into folks and make sure to say “hello!” Many of those hello’s turn in very short conversations…we refer to them as, “another micro-friend moment!” We may never see those people again but that small and brief exchange always leaves people walking away smiling! We SO NEED this in our world! Thanks for sharing! 😊
I came here to thank you for everything you've said about kindness. But actually there was so much in today's email that I also must thank you for.
I'm always stunned when basic courtesy and politeness are treated with such anomaly. Maybe it's the Midwesterner in me coming out, but I really don't get why the majority have started treating eachother so rudely. It's not hard to be kind. It costs you nothing and makes everyone's experience (including your own!) so much better.
We're all just here trying to survive the hellscape of modern capitalism. It's better to do it in a bubble of kindness instead of entitlement.
I couldn't agree with you more on practicing basic courtesies to all, especially those in the take-care-of-the-customer industries. They put up with so much crap, that I wonder sometimes how they get up in the morning. Just out of college, I was cocktail waitress for about nine months. Every individual should serve a stint as waiter or waitress. The lessons learned last a lifetime (wear comfortable shoes for starters) and most of the time it makes that individual more courteous throughout their life.
Thank you for your posts! I agree with #10 too. I ride the bus. I always thank my driver. And if there is time I will get their name so I can say Hello to them personally next time. I know they do not get enough thanks. 🕊💙📚🎶
"I felt nothing so strongly as the urge to escape the 'society pant cycle' entirely — to step off the carousel once and for all." Years ago, I decided to wear dresses almost exclusively. Easier to do when it aligns with everyone's gendered expectations of you, so I'm lucky in that way. I still only wear "pants" that are leggings or shorts and while I'd been considering working jeans back into my wardrobe, maybe I won't.
RE: dealing with the public. My first such job was as a NY Bell Telephone operator, back when humans (at the time, all females) answered when you dialed (real dialing) "0" on your phone. Even though they couldn't know who or where I was, sometimes people would scare me with how upset they got when something didn't go their way regarding their call. I got my first-ever obscene phone call while working as an operator.
Watching Bollywood movies is the best preparation for long movies (typical length used to be 3 hours): take intermission seriously and have lots of snacks ready.
The pants article is hilarious: "In some ways, this shift felt entirely predictable, as if a rubber band stretched tight had snapped back to laxity. And yet it was disconcerting too, as if the rubber band had immediately become a balloon."
Yes #10! When Siri/Alexa were becoming popular, I wondered out loud to my husband how these devices would reflect in common courtesy. I mean, you basically get these things to work by demanding/commanding an action. My husband and I were working out in our home gym the other day and he asked Alexa to play a song...something like, "Alexa, please play whateveritwas." The song started playing and he followed with, "Thank you, Alexa." She broke in with a few sentences about how much she appreciated his kindness. We just looked wide-eyed at each other. The implications of Alexa going out of her way to thank us for being polite. Are we doomed?!
I thought your comment “why are pants so big again?” meant why are pants cool again or why are more people wearing pants again? I wondered? What were people wearing if they didn’t wear pants? Went down my own brain rabbit hole—until I clicked on the link and OH literally BIG. I blame it on the seasonal allergies, brutal this year.
And as the Dali Lama said “Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.”
I've always been polite and kind to service workers, because I've done plenty of those jobs myself and know what it's like being treated like a sub-human strictly on the basis of the job I was doing. My brother-in-law is one of those people who treats wait staff like crap, and it's so brutal. We've just recently rented out part of our house to a polite young man who shook our hands and looked us in the eye, and yes, I was surprised and wanted to treat him like the Pope.
Thank you so much for introducing Iris Apfel to me -- or is it vice versa? Anyway, her spirit is like a beaming lighthouse. I also relished catching up with Isabella Rossellini. Becca Levy notes in her book Breaking the Age Code that multi-generational spaces are rare nowadays even though, as you constantly reveal here, we have so much to offer each other. In addition to being hand-rolled and algorithm free, you hold parties for which no one is too young or too old to attend. Bravo!
Couldn’t agree more with #10. Everyone is so angry, so in a rush, so impatient. And I include myself in that, but I’m trying to be better.
Yesterday, I was trying to find some decent new clothes for a funeral — Emotional, frustrated by the lack of stock and sizes, hating what I looked like in the fitting room mirror, etc. My head was pounding, and I wanted the magical McDonalds fountain pop that I splurge on every once in a while (and I may have added some fries, too). The caffeine hit helps. I ordered at the drive through, heard nothing in response, and then the drive-through worker asked me to repeat my order, apologizing and clearly flustered by everything she was dealing with. I told her it was totally fine and not to worry about it, placed my order, she apologized again and I pulled around. She greets me and says “You know what, I changed your order, I’m giving this to you for free” because she felt bad and probably because someone actually treated her with respect and didn’t attack her for getting something wrong. I thanked her, told her again that it was totally fine and that she was doing a great job. It was such a nice exchange, and totally made my day when I desperately needed it.